i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
