wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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