I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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