im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
