At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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