why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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