Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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