M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
