So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
