I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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