You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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