i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
