What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
