I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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