I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
