I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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