Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
