Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize