I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
