I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Randomize
