just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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