butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I want to have your abortion
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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