so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize