we're chasing vodka with high fives
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
