we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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