my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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