Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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