what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
