I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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