the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
