why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
