Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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