so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize