I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
