I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
