We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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