Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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