I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
