Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
