this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
