Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
