i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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