Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
