Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My cat gives me a boner
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
FUCK WHALES
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