I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
