mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
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