so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
