It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
