I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
