and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
