my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
