i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
