I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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