we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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