Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
