she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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