There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
