franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
