You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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