I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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