i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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