You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
