I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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