my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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