just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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