around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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