She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize