break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
