I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
