whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
