my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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