Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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