It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
