it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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