i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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