So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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