I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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