You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
