This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
