I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i would one night stand the shit outta him
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
