He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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