my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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