Say something about gay babies.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
