Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
