Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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