Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize