New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Alive.
So much puke
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
