I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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