if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
