Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
