I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
