i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
