stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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