Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
