He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
