The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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