I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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