Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I touched a dick in church today
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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