Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize