remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
