you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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