The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
