Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
