So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize