Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
