we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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